Letter from a Broken Healing heart

Can I tell you a secret? Would you keep it?


This is the last time I would put my heart before my head. You see, loving you has made me realize that it’s too easy to let hate be the remedy of every situation. I love you one day, and the next I despise you. I’ve realized that people who love us can still hurt us, and betrayal by them hurts the most. So today, I’m saying that I’m taking charge of my life; your love won’t rule me.

Taking charge isn’t shutting you out, and it isn’t keeping you away, it’s simply taking control of my own heartache, disappointment, and loss.

But before I withdraw my heart from your grasp can I ask you a question?
The love you showed to me, was it my illusion?
You always say it’s all about me, but don’t you see? It’s not about me if you still love her. It’s not about me if I call your heart and love doesn’t answer.

There are so many questions I have to ask—
Who did you love? And who did you truly love? Did you break her heart? Or did she break yours?

You don’t see that you’ve been living two different lives, loving two different girls, telling two multiple lies. You don’t see that your apologies have begun to have a familiar pattern. But I do. See.

Your wounds are deeper than your desires. Your head wants me, but your heart is still healing, and even though I knew this all along, I always thought that maybe, just maybe, love could truly heal all wounds, but you’re not even giving yourself the opportunity to love me in return. You’re so consumed in your self-pity that you don’t see that you are really hurting yourself. Not me. But yourself, and no matter how hard you try, your lies won’t hurt me.

What value is life if it is a lie? The fact that you have chosen to live a lie is enough to tell me that you’re in too deep in your self- pity, but you don’t see, that I’m in too deep in loving you, I’m trying to keep from loving you but I’ve been loving you too long.


I’ve finally realized that I don’t want to hurt me anymore. I realize now, that you have to be alone. You can have me fight for you, but I won’t. I don’t want to fight myself because of you. You love yourself more than me, so often you’ve chosen you over me, and in reality the only thing you’re giving me are promises.

Your deception is a conception of the game of pretence…
You pretend to be fully healed.

It’s too easy to let hate be the remedy for this situation. You, like all the other boys I have loved at a point in my life, fail to see that me, and any other girl that has ever loved you so strongly may detest you even more.

I should have known that if you are for me, no one can take you from me, not even your past.

Emotion is power, and passion makes a fool of us all, however, some of us more than others.

So many times I wish I never met you, never touched you, never wanted you, never needed you, and never loved you. And sometimes wishes come true in ways you don’t wish for. Sometimes you just get tired…of being alone, being afraid, being sorry, being guilty, of trying so hard and failing so miserably, and of making mistakes with love.

You claim to love me with all your heart, and I believe you with all my heart, but my head tells me differently, and I would be a fool to fight it.




Me.