Exhaustion

Exhaustion


I have experienced so much of it, and yet sometimes I have to sit myself down and question me—how have I come to be this way? And where does this exhaustion come from?

I cannot say that I have lived my life to the fullest, and yet within me I am aware of the fact that this is not my fault. On countless occasions I have been forced to grow up when I was meant to be a kid or a teenager, or just a girl.

I have grown up, I have grown up, and yet I feel so inexperienced when I think of all the activities I just scaled through. All the things I was always too young to do, and then gradually became too old to do.

And yet through this building frustration, I know only exhaustion. Exhaustion that rises from repeatedly doing the same things-things I could have done without.

And through this I do not complain. For they look upon me with their up-turned noses thinking to themselves, “She has known no pain”. But I have. I have known pain to the point of sheer exhaustion.

You see, the same things keep coming to hunt me. Not the unknown things that I wish I had access to, to quench my inexperience, but the things I have been through so often already that I have mastered their vices.

And yet they silence me when I voice out. It’s a shame really, that I allow the same people who forced me to grow up too fast to kill my spirit too soon. Too soon. And when I think about it, really think about it, what is my gain?

When I reflect on the things I have left undone, the numerous lives I have been too busy to touch, what is the realization?

Exhaustion.

I could have been better.