The permanent ending of a business or activity, a sense of finality: the sense of finality and coming to terms with an experience, felt or experienced over time, an act or process of closing something, e.g. closing an opening or terminating an activity
I got the idea for this article while watching season three of Gossip girl, the episode where Chuck Bass is talking to Nate Archibald about Blair Waldorf. Nate tells Chuck to give up the little charade that Chuck and Blair have, he tells him to attain closure on his “relationship” with Blair and Chuck replies by stating that closure is an unattainable goal.
Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Boy loves girl. Boy leaves girl. Boy moves on. Girl finds it impossible to move on/let go.
We have all been in a compromising situation of complex decision making where option A is staring you right in the face but option B keeps coming up in your peripheral vision—not because you don’t know what you want, which by the way is option A, but because it has become a life-threatening choice to let go of your past, which by the way is option B.
So many questions arise during the course of closure: Do I really want to let go of him? Would I lose myself in the process? Or would I lose something deeper?
A friend of mine recently explained to me that when you lose someone, it ALWAYS stays with you, constantly reminding you of how easy it is to let go. That is not total closure. That is not closure at all, because you are still conscious of the fact that someone has hurt you enough to make you not let go of yourself when entering another relationship.
I hope my words don’t get jumbled up because I am trying to type fast enough and at the same time explain this simply enough.
We have all been in situations where in our crystal clear mind, we have let go, absolutely, of option B, because it is the sensible heart and soul healing thing to do, and yet when the subject of that person comes up in a conversation, or when the activities that surrounds the existence of option B is re-surfacing, or even so much as flickers in or direction, a certain amount of hope re-surfaces with it. #fact
I have been a victim of closure. I thought I had finally suppressed the emotions I had for option B, but then recently, I was shocked when I saw a text on my phone and my heart actually still skipped a beat.
We have all been victims of that loosely termed word—closure.
Someone once told me, that trying to forget someone you once loved, maybe even your first love, is like trying to remember something that never happened.
The truth remains that total closure on one’s memories of a past love is impossible, because a song, a quote, even a smile is enough to trigger the remnants of the buried emotion that you thought you had previously put a lid on. Granted, it might not be love or even hope you feel when you remember the person, but what about hate, anger, regret, fear, sadness, anxiety, jealousy, betrayal, disgust, excitement, lust, and other emotions that are simply brewing under the surface of your heart? That is not total closure.
The truth remains that total closure is unattainable because a conscious effort to forget someone or something only further empowers thoughts of that person in your head.
#GBAM
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Entries from a 2009 Diary!
19/04/09
It seems so hard but yet remains simple—these emotions I feel are not my equal. I cannot fight it, and I refuse to. Sometimes I try hiding it away, like a child hiding from the dark—but my actions betray: as obvious as trees in a park.
And I cannot fight it, even I refuse to. This love we have means too much to end too soon. This love I feel means too much to be lost too soon, and to lose you too.
But who am I to stand in the way of you and your emotions—I only control mine.
Dede
19/05/09
Really, who am I to stand in the way of you and your inconsistent emotions? In the very end I only control mine, and irrespective of distance, space and time, I have loved you. I have loved.
I have loved so much that I have tried hard, especially on difficult days, tried not to not love you.
And now, barely a month after my heart-wrenching trials, I have lost you. I have lost.
And somewhere within me I know it is the right thing, but the truth is my dear, reason has abandoned me. And I could hate you—so easily, so totally. But I love you, more than I love me.
And even though I have lost you, I do not stop loving you, because in my self-deceived mind, you are coming back to me.
Dede
19/10/09
You are not coming back to me, are you?
Sometimes I wonder that if someone were to give me an opportunity to go back to the past, would I take it?
Sometimes I wonder, was it enough that I loved you incessantly, unconditionally? Was it enough to build us on?
It’s been nearly 6 months, hasn’t it? And you have moved on, haven’t you? But then you never really loved me, or did you? And you never even deserved me, period.
Because I see it now, I think I am finally able to let go of the idea of “us” again. And I am finally able to let go of you. And I have realized, or He made me realize, that love, not time, heals all wounds.
Dede
19/11/09
You see, love heals all wound. I know that this is really none of your business anymore, but I have a constant nagging in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to shout from roof-tops just so that you can know that I have found another. I have found another, but I cannot give him the whole of me, because you have taken a part of me away with you.
And I want to hurt you by telling you, but I know you do not care.
So I will simply enjoy the life that cupid has thrust onto my laps, because I deserve this happiness.
Dede
19/12/09
I deserve this happiness, don’t you see that? It has been almost a year and I simply refuse to end my year with this turmoil that my mind has been in.
Yes—I have said this repeatedly in the past but I can swear that this time, it really is different. I really do care about him, honestly, I do. But is it enough?
I feel like you have taken a vital part of me away—could I have it back?
Because I need it, to fully appreciate him, or myself. I fear I still need you.
And I realize that in an attempt not to control your emotions, I let you control mine!
Dede
It seems so hard but yet remains simple—these emotions I feel are not my equal. I cannot fight it, and I refuse to. Sometimes I try hiding it away, like a child hiding from the dark—but my actions betray: as obvious as trees in a park.
And I cannot fight it, even I refuse to. This love we have means too much to end too soon. This love I feel means too much to be lost too soon, and to lose you too.
But who am I to stand in the way of you and your emotions—I only control mine.
Dede
19/05/09
Really, who am I to stand in the way of you and your inconsistent emotions? In the very end I only control mine, and irrespective of distance, space and time, I have loved you. I have loved.
I have loved so much that I have tried hard, especially on difficult days, tried not to not love you.
And now, barely a month after my heart-wrenching trials, I have lost you. I have lost.
And somewhere within me I know it is the right thing, but the truth is my dear, reason has abandoned me. And I could hate you—so easily, so totally. But I love you, more than I love me.
And even though I have lost you, I do not stop loving you, because in my self-deceived mind, you are coming back to me.
Dede
19/10/09
You are not coming back to me, are you?
Sometimes I wonder that if someone were to give me an opportunity to go back to the past, would I take it?
Sometimes I wonder, was it enough that I loved you incessantly, unconditionally? Was it enough to build us on?
It’s been nearly 6 months, hasn’t it? And you have moved on, haven’t you? But then you never really loved me, or did you? And you never even deserved me, period.
Because I see it now, I think I am finally able to let go of the idea of “us” again. And I am finally able to let go of you. And I have realized, or He made me realize, that love, not time, heals all wounds.
Dede
19/11/09
You see, love heals all wound. I know that this is really none of your business anymore, but I have a constant nagging in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to shout from roof-tops just so that you can know that I have found another. I have found another, but I cannot give him the whole of me, because you have taken a part of me away with you.
And I want to hurt you by telling you, but I know you do not care.
So I will simply enjoy the life that cupid has thrust onto my laps, because I deserve this happiness.
Dede
19/12/09
I deserve this happiness, don’t you see that? It has been almost a year and I simply refuse to end my year with this turmoil that my mind has been in.
Yes—I have said this repeatedly in the past but I can swear that this time, it really is different. I really do care about him, honestly, I do. But is it enough?
I feel like you have taken a vital part of me away—could I have it back?
Because I need it, to fully appreciate him, or myself. I fear I still need you.
And I realize that in an attempt not to control your emotions, I let you control mine!
Dede
50 Things 2010 has taught me.
As the year 2010 approaches a much anticipated and welcome close, I have to reflect back on the things that I have learnt, either through books, friends, family, movies, or even by myself, through experience. Some of them are simple quotes that you have heard repeatedly over time, some you might not have heard before, but regardless, each has given cause to think and deeply reflect through the year 2010.
I have learnt that......
1.) ...2+2=5, but only if you believe it, and your lecturer doesn’t see it.
2.) ...It is better to lose an argument than to lose a friend.
3.) ...An eye for an eye only ends up making everyone blind.
4.) ...Friends should be there to take your side when you are wrong, because random person can stand for you when you are right.
5.) ...Failure isn’t when you fall down; it is when you stubbornly refuse to get right back up.
6.) ...When you know what’s right, but still don’t do it, that’s a sin.
7.) ...You should never look down on someone except you are helping them up.
8.) ...If you try real hard, you can keep your head when others about you lose theirs.
9.) ...Love comes to those who believe.
10.) ...Taking responsibility is a sign of maturity.
11.) ...When you accept who you are, you are superior to those who don’t accept you.
12.) ...Absence does not make the heart grow fonder; it drills a hole in it.
13.) ...It takes a long time to build up trust, and a few minutes to break it.
14.) ...Nothing lasts forever.
15.) ...Just when you are about to make both ends meet, someone comes along and moves the ends.
16.) ...It takes two to tango, but if you dance alone, no one will step on your toes.
17.) ...Open hatred can be hidden love.
18.) ...There is something interesting about someone’s unhappiness, and something dull about their happiness.
19.) ...The life you think is private is the subject of analysis, criticism, commendation or condemnation.
20.) ...The more you try to ignore someone, the more you become aware of the person.
21.) ...There is nothing compared to one’s first love.
22.) ...Education is one thing, experience is another.
23.) ...There is a difference between growing old, and growing up.
24.) ...You should not be ashamed or scared of making a mistake, looking foolish, being rejected, or being hurt.
25.) ...If you don’t hear opportunity knocking, find another door.
26.) ...If your lecturer tells you to stop talking or you will fail his course, he means it, seriously.
27.) ...Just because someone is flirting with you incessantly doesn’t mean he or she likes you.
28.) ...Everybody doesn’t have to like me, I don’t like everybody.
29.) ...I am responsible for the outcome of my day.
30.) ...Forgiveness means letting go of a hurtful situation and moving on with my own happiness.
31.) ...When it comes down to it, we all just want to be loved.
32.) ...Survival only teaches one thing—survive or go under.
33.) ...Love is forgiving someone over and over again and again
34.) ...Lies, when big enough and regularly repeated would eventually become the truth.
35.) ...If you laugh a lot, when you get older, your wrinkles will be in the right places.
36.) ...Every day is a new beginning, another chance to laugh, to lose, and to live your life to the fullest. Another chance at life.
37.) ...No matter how much you have learnt from the past, you will still make mistakes in the future.
38.) ...Some people are always talking just because they like to hear the sound of their own voice.
39.) ...Little things are special things.
40.) ...Love is asking about someone’s day and truly caring about the answer.
41.) ...He who has injured me is either weaker or stronger than me, if weaker I should spare him, if stronger, I should spare myself.
42.) ...A successful man is one who can lay a foundation with bricks that have been thrown at him.
43.) ...Sometimes, you know you are making a wrong decision, but you make it anyway.
44.) ...When you lose someone, it stays with you, reminding you of how easy it is to get hurt.
45.) ...Life has a mind of its own.
46.) ...The assumption that as we get older, we will get wiser is not true.
47.) ...When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
48.) ...Flattery is alright, as long as you don’t inhale.
49.) ...There is no formula for success, but there is a formula for failure – trying to please everybody.
50.) ...If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you may as well laugh about it now!
I have learnt that......
1.) ...2+2=5, but only if you believe it, and your lecturer doesn’t see it.
2.) ...It is better to lose an argument than to lose a friend.
3.) ...An eye for an eye only ends up making everyone blind.
4.) ...Friends should be there to take your side when you are wrong, because random person can stand for you when you are right.
5.) ...Failure isn’t when you fall down; it is when you stubbornly refuse to get right back up.
6.) ...When you know what’s right, but still don’t do it, that’s a sin.
7.) ...You should never look down on someone except you are helping them up.
8.) ...If you try real hard, you can keep your head when others about you lose theirs.
9.) ...Love comes to those who believe.
10.) ...Taking responsibility is a sign of maturity.
11.) ...When you accept who you are, you are superior to those who don’t accept you.
12.) ...Absence does not make the heart grow fonder; it drills a hole in it.
13.) ...It takes a long time to build up trust, and a few minutes to break it.
14.) ...Nothing lasts forever.
15.) ...Just when you are about to make both ends meet, someone comes along and moves the ends.
16.) ...It takes two to tango, but if you dance alone, no one will step on your toes.
17.) ...Open hatred can be hidden love.
18.) ...There is something interesting about someone’s unhappiness, and something dull about their happiness.
19.) ...The life you think is private is the subject of analysis, criticism, commendation or condemnation.
20.) ...The more you try to ignore someone, the more you become aware of the person.
21.) ...There is nothing compared to one’s first love.
22.) ...Education is one thing, experience is another.
23.) ...There is a difference between growing old, and growing up.
24.) ...You should not be ashamed or scared of making a mistake, looking foolish, being rejected, or being hurt.
25.) ...If you don’t hear opportunity knocking, find another door.
26.) ...If your lecturer tells you to stop talking or you will fail his course, he means it, seriously.
27.) ...Just because someone is flirting with you incessantly doesn’t mean he or she likes you.
28.) ...Everybody doesn’t have to like me, I don’t like everybody.
29.) ...I am responsible for the outcome of my day.
30.) ...Forgiveness means letting go of a hurtful situation and moving on with my own happiness.
31.) ...When it comes down to it, we all just want to be loved.
32.) ...Survival only teaches one thing—survive or go under.
33.) ...Love is forgiving someone over and over again and again
34.) ...Lies, when big enough and regularly repeated would eventually become the truth.
35.) ...If you laugh a lot, when you get older, your wrinkles will be in the right places.
36.) ...Every day is a new beginning, another chance to laugh, to lose, and to live your life to the fullest. Another chance at life.
37.) ...No matter how much you have learnt from the past, you will still make mistakes in the future.
38.) ...Some people are always talking just because they like to hear the sound of their own voice.
39.) ...Little things are special things.
40.) ...Love is asking about someone’s day and truly caring about the answer.
41.) ...He who has injured me is either weaker or stronger than me, if weaker I should spare him, if stronger, I should spare myself.
42.) ...A successful man is one who can lay a foundation with bricks that have been thrown at him.
43.) ...Sometimes, you know you are making a wrong decision, but you make it anyway.
44.) ...When you lose someone, it stays with you, reminding you of how easy it is to get hurt.
45.) ...Life has a mind of its own.
46.) ...The assumption that as we get older, we will get wiser is not true.
47.) ...When you have nothing to say, say nothing.
48.) ...Flattery is alright, as long as you don’t inhale.
49.) ...There is no formula for success, but there is a formula for failure – trying to please everybody.
50.) ...If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you may as well laugh about it now!
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