Musings On A Random Tuesday Night!

Musings on a Random Tuesday night!

So I just learnt, from a very reliable and trust-worthy source, that a boy could practically fake a whole relationship. Unbelievable wickedness. This has only further enhanced my cynicism towards relationships.

Okay, to be honest I have never been really cynical towards boys, relationships or love. To be brutally honest I am what you can practically call a “love slut”. What this means is that I love love, and everything that has to do with it. I love being loved, being in love, being a victim of love. Honestly if you see how many poems I have written about love, heartbreaks and what-not, then you would be on the same page with me.

I recently told a friend (name with-held) that I actually don’t mind heart-breaks. You see, I am so badly into the idea and concept of love that I don’t mind experiencing every bit of it, even the bits that people run blindly away from; the heart wrenching ones, the ones that seem to tear you up so much inside that you feel like you will surely be damaged forever, love that has been empowered to give you permanent ulcer attack.

Honestly!

Honestly, I am what you can call irrational when you talk about love. You see, I have never ever learnt how to love half-halfheartedly. My friend(name with-held again) has one boyfriend in CU, one in Babcock, One in the obodo, and one that even has a son. Another friend(no I won’t say her name) has one really hot boyfriend, one that is constantly on her P, and one that is the son of a big time person(name with-held ;p). However, none of these friends have ever rubbed off on me.

Okay okay, I would be obviously lying if I say that I haven’t dangled or been interested in two or more boys at a time(guilty) but the difference between me and these girls is that once a boy makes it official, I am his, only, period. I have never learnt how to love more than one person at a time because when I do love, that love is so pure, so unconditional, so sincere, and so total that I fear for the safety of the boy self. (Who has the strength to do that for two people at a time?) For instance, my 5-naira boy that I loved till so many many chances seemed to make him become too self-assure, or my first love that I gave everything to: body, soul, and spirit.

Hmmmm…I seem to have forgotten the point of this article…..

Okay, yes, a boy can fake a whole relationship.

Becoming aware of this fact has affected me like as if interfering cupid himself thrust a dagger in my heart. Hypothetically, how is it possible that I will be in a relationship with you for 2 years only to discover that you are still waiting on ONLY because of sex? Boys are shallow bastards (no offence to the ones that I care about).

I have a cousin who hasn’t slept with his girlfriend because she is still a virgin. They have been together for 4 years and in that time I cannot say that he has been celibate, because he hasn’t. But does he sleep with his own girlfriend? No! He’d rather deceive some other poor unknowing girl till he gets what he wants and then it is on to the next!

Sad, but true.

Apparently a boy can whisper sweet nothings to one girl just to get something from her, without never really even caring about her feelings or emotions. Apparently a boy can waste so much attention, money and “love” on a particular girl when he has his mind set on screwing her brains out. Pathetic, because for girls like me who are always willing to lend an ear to these “sweet nothings”, we become too vulnerable.

But now I have learnt, and my never-before-thought-of-cynicism has turned drastically into a doubt-the-bastard-out-of-every-word-he-says-cynicism.
I apologize to the boys that haven’t met me, but will meet me, probably fall in love with me, or even simply want to (forgive my language) fuck me. Because I have learned, and I have no one to thank except the boys that groomed me, the ones that hurt me, the ones that didn’t even want me. I have no one to thank except the boys that schooled me, consistently, till I became the master student.

You see, today I graduated!

#GBAM